This week, like most weeks, I was on the road for work hitting yet another American hotspot… West Virginia. I enlisted Scott to do the driving so I could work and found myself pulling into a campground at 6 pm on Monday night… “it will be fun!” Famous last words. As you can imagine, a Bota Box between the two of use was required to help with the language barrier. Armed with Deet and rose colored glasses, there I was on the porch of our cabin in the middle of the night entering my credit card information into a WordPress site. A power move for sure, but first a little backstory on this year is necessary.
You may know the past nine months have brought great sadness to my family. In November of last year we lost Grandma, Dad’s fiery mother and my OG (original girlfriend). Holding the hands of my Aunt Kara and Father as Grandma passed was, at the time, the hardest thing I’ve ever been through. But the storm wasn’t over and days before the start of 2017 our beloved shepherd (and my best friend), Harley, also passed away. If Trump was tweeting about the Kernan’s at end of 2016, the tweet would end with: “Sad!”
Any sadness that lingered into the New Year was just a primer for what was to come. On March 17th, Dad relayed some devastating news to the family: our Mommer Jommer had the big C. In true Kernan fashion I ran screaming from my office, immediately jumped in my weekly hertz rental, and was promptly rear-ended leaving the Lincoln Tunnel. 2017 was gonna be lit.
So, when Dad called with news of my sweet cousin Kolya’s tragic passing on April 1st I, naturally, thought it was a joke. That’s about where my head was at. I shook with anger and sadness and shock as the reality of the situation set in. The shock stayed with me like a cloud for days, the sadness almost tangible. But none of this was about me – I needed to get my ass in gear and help the family take care of business. Whether it was hunkering down with my aunt and uncle or staying with Mom as she received treatment, I can’t ever remember such a feeling of being right where I needed to be.
Throughout the tumult of the past nine months I have spent a lot of time writing. Bad poems. Letters to Harley. Emails to friends and family about Mom throughout her treatment. I’m sharing these here in the hope that they might help others going through times that are less than perfect. If nothing else, hopefully you’ll enjoy my combined use of red wine and sarcasm as a security blanket – it definitely gives my writing a little something extra.
Today I’m sharing the poem I wrote for my parents for Christmas last year in honor of their trip to Hawaii. Mom and Dad, you deserve a Hawaiian vacation more than anyone and I couldn’t by happier or more jealous. Enjoy.
note: the poems aren’t great. many will require a two drink minimum. everything else requires at least three.
To Mom & Dad Another year down, Mom and Dad you can attest 2016 sent us running, I can't say it was my best. Now that it's Christmas (thank god we've made it through) My gift this holiday season is a big retroactive thank you. Now to start, I'll shoot you straight, as I've been known to do. My three siblings and I aren't perfect, and neither are you. The very nature of this gift (sorry!) unlike the year we just had , is that it didn't cost much, you deserve so much more Mom and Dad. Even though we're adults I know we often drive you insane. so thanks for hosting this year, despite all the rain! Decorating with Mom and with Dad's birthday too, Let's hope I don't end this year with my typical Christmas flu. With no trophies or awards, measuring our success these days is hard. There's no back to school night and no stolen report card. But even this year, with as many lows as there were highs, Your support keeps me grounded, I hope I'm a success in your eyes. Mom, your heart is bigger than anyone's I've met, I'm sorry for the late nights you spend worrying and and the anxiety you get. And to Dad, I really am the world's biggest pain in the ass, But know you're my most trusted mentor, despite all the sass. 2016 started with promise, a new job and more money too. But Dad I now know your sacrifices, traveling for work and paying dues. It's been a rough go on the road, and at times I almost quit - Truly having your guidance and love was the only way I made it. Winter turned into spring and you guys started packing Mom I now realize your sadness with each box you were stacking. But one of my happiest memories this year was in the middle of may when your girls pulled out all the stops to celebrate your birthday! Our fourth of July was one of the best yet, Mt. Renyay certainly won't forget, we ate and we drank, that lodge perfection for sure and I truly appreciate the very minimal hiking we had to endure. The fall brought a flurry of preparations for the big day, Like a chameleon mom became the perfect wedding planner for Shea. We all pledged our best behavior and gave our word through and through Though I can imagine you both were worried Kaels or I would come unglued. Alas, we gave Shea away, one of the best weekends of the year, It was all because of you that chicago weekend we hold dear. Even Jack's lady was a hit despite Mom's worry and angst She took each joke in stride and held her own (and her drank)! Though not out of the woods yet, Fall came to a close. With a looming move and the holidays - how we made it no one knows. Thus with news of grandma's turn, we were quick to realize that she needed her family with her, to say her final goodbyes We had our final day with grandma and were rendered speechless by the loss, So I did what I do best and picked a fight with the boss. Dad I'm so sorry, Grandma was a mighty force and your mother Just know she remains with us each day we continue to love her. The coming weeks I felt torn, going from wedding to wedding and each night I wrote to grandma, overcome with guilt and regretting. what she told me one night when I was particularly low, is that she is not disappointed in any of us and loves us more than we know. With family and friends on each other we've leaned, During the dark hours of these months some important lessons i've gleaned. no one is perfect and we all may get off track but these things we get through together, families must bend and not crack. Mom and Dad you're my heroes, as you worry so do I, you're always in my thoughts each day that goes by. While I want to make you proud as I live my life, even more so I want you to be happy with no drama or strife. I'm sorry for the things I've done that have caused you sadness or fear, If I learned anything in 2016 it's to guard those you hold dear Despite the distance between us you always make me feel strong It's your believe in me that helps me handle anything that comes along. So Merry Christmas to the best mom and dad I've ever known, I'll never take you for granted and know you'll never be alone. Made up of you both - I owe everything to you. from the bottom of my heart this December thank you for all that you do.
The Dog Hair Diaries 