A Friendly Flavor

I’ve been thinking a lot about friends lately. I love the meme floating around that says something about how random friendships take form. There’s another equally amusing one with friends sitting together being weird doing nothing, but looking blissful nonetheless (see above). It’s funny how two strangers initially bound by situational circumstances seemingly over time somehow find themselves binge-watching Netflix amidst a pile of nachos in a near euphoric state.

You meet someone and decide their flavor of being jives in some way with your own. The status of your relationship changes with no declaration, no fanfare. Unless, that is, if you consider becoming Facebook friends DTRing, which I hope you don’t. Maybe you exchange numbers after meeting a couple times, but even that means little these days. Late night BFF telephone number exchanges are fun but can be short-lived. Though I do love a good bathroom line meet-cute – the effusive complimenting, willingness to share hair ties, and coven-like acceptance is the stuff of magic.

Friends, at my age, choose one another. Yet, it unfolds organically. Since the phases of friendship take so many forms, each trajectory to frienddom is different. When we’re younger, friendships form in school and activities due in part to proximity and convenience. When those friendships last, in my mind, it must mean that there’s a “jive” that has kept it alive through the frenetic years of youth. Those friends are amazing, no doubt, and these days I find myself surrounded by a posse of beautiful, diverse souls and I’d like to know how I got so lucky.

Given we scrutinize every aspect of a romantic relationship as it progresses, it’s interesting a burgeoning friendship is more likely left to its own developmental devices. Recently I’ve gotten closer to a couple of friends that make my heart sing. What took so long for that to happen? Is that why I like these people so much? Because they passed some nebulous test and made it to the friend round? Lucky them! I imagine it’s like being friends with the lovechild of Dori and Bruce from Finding Nemo. Do with that what you will.

There’s a certain pride that I feel more and more when with my friends. They’re all out there in the world succeeding and kicking ass, but this is a different type of feeling. At a recent birthday party of a best friend I found myself sitting in a corner at one point in the evening (typical) profoundly humbled that I was part of the impressive group of people around me. It was also hot AF (ugh get here fall) so in true Brynn fashion I was AC adjacent, allowing for this quiet moment of anti-social reflection.

That’s not to say my friends are at all yuppy, pseudointellectual dweebs or better than anyone else’s, and those adulty gatherings aren’t the norm when we get together. Derrick, aka “Hubs,” and I can make any outing an arena for debauchery, and amuse ourselves to the point of tears with absolutely nothing. I remember asking my buddy Mike after a particularly soul crushing work week over a dozen Bud Lights if I’m even smart (it was a REALLY bad week) – he thought nothing of it. “Yes, Brynn, you’re very smart” he said and we continued to discuss the frivolities of the evening. We can’t shine like bright like a diamond all the time, thank god I have an academy of friends that don’t care.

Before the point of comfort that allows one to show themselves in their absolute dumbest form, do we temper our behavior when getting it know someone like I know I do, as best I can, during those early days with a potential suitor? I actually don’t know. Maybe part of growing up is gaining the ability to forgo putting on airs during this process. That would make sense, then, that friends procured nowadays are well acquainted with fifty shades of Brynn before the DTRing happens.

Perhaps there’s meaning to be mined from this revelation that can be applied to courtship of the romantic variety. If we obsessed less over the intricacies of every date, every prospect’s CV, and even ourselves throughout the process maybe it would be less daunting. They always say “just be yourself.” Maybe we should add to that, and I’ll use a saying my mom loves, “just be yourself in deep neutral.” Do I even have that gear?

It’s like in the movie “Hitch” when Will Smith suggests that his client be an iceberg, and to leave most under the surface. I believe the kids call that “cool girling” these days. We’re all guilty of it. Some better than others. Some are just cool naturally. But I think part of the reason we do that is due to the scariness of dating and the wondering and the fear and the mania that comes with it.

Food for thought I guess. I’m just so taken with my friends, it seems like I’ve won the lottery. They are the funniest people I’ve ever met. They are supportive yet don’t take my shit. We push and pull when one is stuck and hoist and carry when another is down. It may sound like a workout but it never is with friends. Dime pieces, each and every one of them. My happy hour heroes.