I think over the course of January I attempted to write my inaugural 2019 blog post at least eight times. One, which I’ll post at another time, was about a bubble bath (it was a long month) while others I wrote dabbled in the same “New Year, New Me” BS I mock relentlessly at the start of each year. In retrospect it’s clear my initial attempts to articulately and comedically kickoff the year fell flat for a few reasons. I’ll go into some of the details here shortly, but now that January is over, we can mark this as my 2019 redeployment. My sincerest apologies to my loyal readers (lookin’ at you Mom, Farleigh, and Nana P!) for the delay.
Happy New Year! Last night as I reread my final posts of 2018 it seemed only fitting to start with a recap of life since I last wrote. Evidently, one of those December posts was authored by vacation-mode Brynn. The dreamy vacation memories must have momentarily dulled the caustic sarcasm that typically weaves its way into my thoughts, and the post ended with a rare optimistic vignette previewing the upcoming holiday. I envisioned the days I’d spend with my parents and siblings, the buildup of Christmas and the unchanging nature of our respective roles and annual traditions. Kaely cleaning, all of us dancing like idiots, eating and drinking under the sun. It read like a prediction of sorts; but, in reality it was a mental collage of my favorite pieces from past family reunions and holidays. I touched on the difficulties of sequestering the Kernan family in one place for any real length of time, but my tone was determined and excited to make the week a success.
And, a success it was. Despite – or perhaps because of – the fact that we all averaged about 4500 calories per day (not counting the cocktails), we danced and laughed our way through a week in Florida together. Any issues that arose are too trivial to even mention and truly it was what we all needed after a year in the trenches.
As the family dispersed to our respective cities across the country, I didn’t dwell on why Christmas 2018 was one of the best (obviously Mom & Dad played a vital role there… thank you, love you) and I jumped back into life in NYC. One of the first items on the agenda was a Puerto Rican Christmas Dinner put on by my best friends, to be hosted at my apartment. Arriving home to host a dinner party is never ideal but spending that last night of 2018 with my closest friends eating Pernil to the beats of Alexis’s expertly curated and thematically on point play list made it all worth it.
With glasses of Coquito raised to toast the delicious meal and one another, someone brought up the topic of New Year resolutions, and what we wanted out of 2019. “More of this” shouted Alexis, followed by a chorus of resounding agreement and chatter ultimately ending in the statement “more of love.” My best friend Derrick then stood up, clad in an old fur vest from my closet, and suggested Love should be on the agenda for the coming year in every sense. And just like that we all raised our glasses to a common goal, to Love. Finding Love, being with the ones we Love more, choosing Love, and acting towards others with more Love in the months to come.
Later that week, after an exceptionally great NYE spent watching the movie, Venom, with Hudson, it was back to work. The dinners and parties and resolutions from the holiday seemed to fade off in the distance like receding smog, the whirlwind confined to a cloud that grew fainter and smaller as life returned to normal. I had thought about weaving a post around the theme of love that was brought up during Puerto Rican Christmas, but just as soon as life resumed its regularly scheduled programming, normal – and all thought of writing – was interrupted. We were just two weeks into 2019 when we received news of the death of my grandmother, Peggy.
Per my past blog posts, this would be the woe is me/us paragraph. Not today, though. Peggy wouldn’t want it and wouldn’t stand for it. Let’s just say her passing marked the departure of one of the strongest women I’ve ever met. She built a life and career for herself as a single parent, always made time for family and friends, and was my Pop-pop’s great love and partner. As my friend, Bruce, said when I told him the news… “she had great innings” and, honestly, she sure did.
So to everyone who thought perhaps I stopped writing altogether, hoping they were off the hook, sorry not sorry! I wrote more last month than I ever have (save the year in college I spent writing my thesis – I actually went back and read some of it last week… didn’t understand a single word, but I digress). It wasn’t that I didn’t have anything to say during the month of January, quite the contrary. I just didn’t know where to start and, honestly, if what I had to say really meant anything. Having had kicked off 2018 with such verbose arrogance – only to watch it unfold in such a violently different direction than I had planned – left me spooked.
I needed a different play to launch 2019. A year ago, I wrote about what I would do to make the upcoming months a success and the changes I’d make along the way. I had wanted to leave 2017 in the dust, and in doing so completely ignored the lessons to be learned from it. Now, with another wild (read: rocky) year down, it’s time to face the music. I believe I had what they call a come to Jesus moment, and realized I needed a plan. Parts of last year changed me in the best ways, while others caused personal tantrums rivaled only by our commander in chief. So, during January, I reflected (thanks Stone Ridge for all the practice), thought about Peg, and spent some time contemplating new routes to ensure this year the Brynn train stayed on course.
Now I know you’re waiting with breath that is bated for my plan. Unfortunately, if that’s the case, you’ve got some more waiting to do. Given that this kickoff is already way too long, I’ll save my groundbreaking formula for world domination in 2019 for my next post (which includes, thank you Tash, maintaining a weekly cadence of posting – lucky you!). In the meantime, I’ll leave you with a few Peggy inspired catchalls for any pressing matters that require advice.
If you don’t know how to solve a problem or are stuck on a lingering issue at the end of the day, take a pause. Pour yourself a glass of wine. Go to sleep. Wake up. Pour yourself a cup of coffee. Deal with said issue or problem.
Life is about work and doing what you love. Work hard. Make yourself and your family proud. Then, enjoy the people you love the most. Spend time with them. That is what life is all about.
“Being kind is more important than being right…” – Margaret “Peg” Murray
We’ll miss you, Peggy. A woman, grandmother, and friend for the ages.
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